The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
