It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
