babies were throwing up all over the place
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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