i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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