so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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