We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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