Pappa wants mamma naked
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I am one with the molecules
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
