My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
