He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
