Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
