There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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