Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
