I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
