This is the prime rib incident all over again
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
