I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
