Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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