If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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