I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm always down for nudity.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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