I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
