If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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