What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
