its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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