well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
