Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
