Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
