I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
