A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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