hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
