fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My vagina is officially offended.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
