Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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