Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
