its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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