For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
