just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
