i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
