Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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