I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
