Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
