Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
