I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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