So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
