Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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