I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
