all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize