This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
