Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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