I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
