fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
