You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
