babies were throwing up all over the place
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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