I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
NoShamevember. You game?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
