Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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