Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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