my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Randomize
