He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
