Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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