I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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