I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
