R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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