wrigley field is MILF paradise
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
